Patrol's plunder: Just some of the loot -- er, promotional material -- retrieved from NEXPO '96 by the Freebie Police.
Few freebies found
LAS VEGAS -- "As freebies suck, so sucks the show," we heard one anonymous showgoer say at NEXPO '96.
Actually, we just made that up, but it's true nonetheless.
We thought at one point it was a gender problem -- last year, Mrs. Freebies Police (known around the Cole Group as "the velvet fist") flitted from booth to booth, cajoling, threatening -- sometimes even being polite, if that's what it took.
She hauled in the loot.
Her successor this year was Isaac, a certifiable Nice Guy. We thought at first he was just being stiffed by salesmen who can sense a kind spirit an aisle away and respond accordingly. But the more we looked, the more it became evident that the graft just wasn't out there.
In the end, there was nothing to do but run through the list, heave a weary sigh and hope for better goodies next year in New Orleans:
T-shirts: Managing Editor had the loudest, a bright orange number that won points for being given out in XXL size for the Freebies Cop, but lost points for garishness. Best shirt: Tie -- Gannett Media Technologies International with its Jim Borgman original Infobahn design, and the dragon from Mission Critical Technologies.
Baseball caps: Nobody has the classy ones with the leather straps in back anymore, but a couple of hats had cloth straps. We don't know if that's good or not, but it was different, at least. Best cap: Multi-Ad Services, the one cap that stood out in a depressingly mundane collection.
Stress balls: Found all over the floor, and great for holding while you're mentally strangling your boss. Best balls: Newzware, a plain blue ball that has some resistance to it so your hands will at least get a workout. Worst planning: Little blue "globe" stress balls with continents raised on them, simultaneously given out by System Integrators Inc., Unisys and I/Pro. (We can just imagine the discussion at all three planning meetings six months ago: "Nobody will have these!")
Photographic: Konica gave out 100-speed film that's great for photographing things that don't move -- the NEXPO floor on Wednesday morning, for example. MediaStream gave out a disposable camera. The judges awarded the whole category a Bronx cheer.
Luggage: Remember the Dewar newsboy bag we loved, then loved to hate? It was gone. (So was Dewar, for that matter -- see what happens when you mess with the Freebies Police?) Best bag: American Color had a nice little carrying bag that was perfect for a day's worth of handouts.
Coffee cups: A nod to Gmti -- it had the cheapest coffee cups, but they were filled with delicious cappuccino. Also an arched eyebrow at reports that the coffeeperson wouldn't fork over unless you were either a Gmti customer or shopper. Best cup: Total Systems Engineering's travel mug, which was designed for an automobile cup holder and, like the Freebies Policeman himself, is large, well-insulated and totally plastic.
Pens and pencils: Since they're a commodity item, we were buried in them. There were strange ones (curly-cue, foot-long pencils from Voice News Network), workhorse pens (Euromax, Domino, Micro Systems Specialists), faux Mont Blanc (Autologic Information International, Stauffer, American Computer Innovators and Total Systems Engineering, which put its entry out in white; we are shocked ... shocked) and the best pens: DSI Data Sciences, with the look and feel of a classy pen, complete with a ribbed rubber finger-grip and a retro design, and Lexis-Nexis with the Parker knockoff in a velveteen case.
Best pin: IBM's Olympics lapel pin, which was no big deal in Las Vegas but will be mighty valuable trading fodder in Atlanta this summer.
Worst pin: The one that said, "Talk to a Real Person," which is absurd: If any of us in the newspaper business could talk to real people, we could be making a good living selling mutual funds.
-- JB
|
